It’s light out. It has been for hours. The sun is shining and I am the only person in the world, in this world, with a smile so bright. The sun might not even be out, it’s possible we’re all basking in me. 


Everyone who isn’t you. 


How did we even get here, how is it that the sun came out and the world is new and everything is everything and I am the only person in the world with a smile so bright red? How did we get from last night to this moment without any stories to tell, without any sentences that end with “and then we both started laughing and everything was fine again”?


I don’t know how we got here, but this is all your fault. It’s always your fault, and I stand by that statement, standing here next to the chair because I can’t even stay in the chair, the chair is trying to destroy me like you tried to destroy us and it’s all clear now. This is your fault, and I can’t stop smiling at you this way, with my teeth loose which is okay because if they are loose they are still here, they are still in my mouth like I want you to be in my mouth, even now, right now, you and my loose teeth jammed in together behind my red red smile.


I don’t know what I’m going to do next, so I’m just standing by the chair I can’t stay in and I’m still smiling because I am certain that if I stop smiling there will never be anything to smile about, ever again, so I can’t stop, not even for an instant because a life without a reason to smile is like fucking with condoms which is why we don’t ever, ever do that.


I’m going to stand here until you come back, until you wake up, and tomorrow I’m going to carve our names inside a heart on my arm and pretend that my arm is a tree, and pretend that that constitutes a vow, that that heart on my tree-arm is a wedding without the possibility of escape that divorce or death provides, because I will never let you die without me, I will never let you be without me. Not anymore.