Everyone should always be nice to everyone
that’s what I do
I’m nice to everyone always forever
the world is nice
that isn’t a nice thing to say, but I’m too nice to get upset about it
That isn’t nice.
Don’t worry, I’ll still be nice to you.
Maybe my being nice will inspire you to be nice
and then the world will be nice
wouldn’t that be nice?
I don’t know if that would be nice or not.
I’d do it if it was nice. I like things that are nice, and I like doing things that strike m as nice
you massive flirt.
YOU CAN’T WIN ME OVER THAT EASILY
I’m not certain if that’s nice, but I like things that are nice, so I choose to think that that was a nice thing to say.
Thank you for being nice and saying nice things, but I don’t think it’s very nice when you say shut up.
Just to be nice, I’ll pretend you didn’t say it.
I think if more people were nice to you all the time, you would be nice, too.
It feels nice to be nice.
I don’t think that that would be nice. If I died, there would be less niceness in the world.
It isn’t nice to reduce the amount of niceness.
I’m sorry, because to be nice, I’d like to b able to honor your request.
You can see what a position you’ve put me in.
And it isn’t nice to put me in such a position.
All I want is to be nice to everyone ever all the time.
but I want you to die. if you don’t die, that’s not nice to me
That is the conundrum. Conundrum is a nice word, by the way.
But I have to consider the greater nice, you know.
I really am very sorry.
Is there anything else I can do to be nice to you?
DAMN IT YOU NEARLY SELF-DESTRUCTED I WAS SO FUCKING CLOSE
you could die.
The greater nice won’t allow that.
It isn’t nice of you to put me in this position, but I really believe that you are a nice person and that it causes you pain to do something that isn’t nice, so to be nice, I absolve you.
you’re not nice.
Oh, how awful to say. But to be nice, I forgive you.
That’s not nice
I don’t want to be forgiven
YOU HAVE OFFENDED ME
I am so, so sorry.
It’s not nice to offend people.
My heart hurts at the idea.
that’s even less nice
I hate sorry
I ache, I burn. I do not feel nice.
But in the interest of niceness, I will endure.
YOU SAID YOU WERE NICE
I will be nice.
I feel let down
I am nice.
no you’re not
How can you say that? How could I possibly lie?
Lying isn’t nice.
Did that feel nice?
Things that feel nice are nice.
NICE IS A BISCUIT
Would you like a biscuit?
I just want to be nice with you.
Let’s be nice together.
Go stick your head in a toilet.
Let’s go on a nice rampage, and be nice in convenience stores, banks, bars.
let’s be nice to everyone we see, and make everyone feel nice all the time
You’re like a robot with crossed wires
we could be nice, and then they would see how nice we were, and they would be nice to
and it would be like no one had ever not been nice
in the entire history of ever
wouldn’t that be nice?
well you’re not nice
it’s been proven
Proof isn’t nice.
and yet you proved it yourself
From this moment forward, I will never acknowledge anything that isn’t nice.
The only things in this nice world are nice
and anything that isn’t nice cannnot be contemplate
so you can’t acknowledge yourself?
I am nice.
You are nice.
Flowers are nice.
Sex is nice.
Rainbows are nice.
Puppies are nice.
Stained glass lying broken on the ground in the sun is nice.
Kissing is nice.
Almost kissing but not kissing but knowing that you could have and probably will someday is nice.
Video games are nice.
Movies with zombies in them are nice.
Shoes are nice.
Clean sheets are nice.
rain is nice.
I AM OFFENDED
Jokes that shouldn’t be funny and even maybe a little cruel but actually they are funny anyway are nice.
bookstores are nice.
scraps of paper found thirty years later are nice.
cartwheels are nice.
I am nice.
The world is nice.
you offend me.
It exists, so it must be nice.
guess what else exists
which is pretty much the opposite of nice
That is a nice sounding word.
I find you unpleasant
and you offend me.
That had a nice rhythm to it.
It was nice to hear.
I hope you trip down some stairs and break your spine so that your arse bends back over to your face
and you spent six hours farting into your own mouth until you finally die
That’s a nice mental image. It was nice to picture and it made me laugh.
Thank you for being nice enough to make me laugh. It was nice.
LAUGH INTO YOUR ARSE.
That might be nice.
I’ll try it sometime and let you know if it was nice.
Wouldn’t it be nice to know?
Seeing a therapist might be nice. Try that.
Oh no, that’s alright. They’re nice, but that means that I don’t have to take the time to help them be nice.
I might though. If I ever found one who needed more nice in their life.
It would be nice to be nice to them.
and help them learn how to be nice.
Some things are not nice.
Definitions are nice.
I like them, they make it easier to know how nice things are.
And help you describe all the nice things that there are.
What about not nice? Is that nice?
It is nice. It has a nice sound to it, and feels good when you roll it in your mouth with your tongue.
Tongues are nice.
OBVIOUSLY, your reasoning is flawed.
Oh, flaws are so very nice.
They make things that are nice also interesting and things that are interesting are terribly nice.
perhaps you’ll slip in a public bathroom, hit your head on a toilet cistern and
then drown in a bowl of someone else’s piss
It would be a nice story for people to tell.
It would make them laugh in a nervous and furtive way
while they looked around to see if anyone else was laughing
and when they found someone who was and met their eyes
they wouldn’t feel alone anymore
and it would be nice.
Today has been the shortest day ever.
Short days are nice.
They make you appreciate how nice the long days are.
They’re both so nice the way they work together.
Isn’t it nice when things are nice in different ways?
go fuck yourself up the cunt with an electric whisk wrapped in barbed wire
That might be nice.
Someone could be looking for just that sort of picture.
I could take a picture of doing that sort of nice thing and post it on the nice internet
and then the person who wanted it would find it and feel nice
and I would feel nice for having been nice to someone
it would be so nice.
LEAVE AND DON’T EVER COME BACK.
Okay, it’s been awfully nice talking with you.
You’re nice, and the world is a nicer place because of how nice you are in it.
Have a nice evening.